Today is my 50th birthday.
I won’t lie: I am having a little trouble with this. This past week I have been filled with a strange type of upset and a little bit of panic that crashed into me out of nowhere. This “mini crisis” isn’t about anything related to my life itself. I have nothing to complain about (to say the least); the source of all of this is literally the number, and I am mostly surprised that I feel this way…but in a way, I’m not. I was one of those kids who did the math to learn that I would be thirty-two years old in the year 2000, and all of a sudden that seems like four lifetimes ago and I’m EIGHTEEN YEARS older than that age that, as a youngster, I thought would feel ancient. There’s a little peek into my crazy: obsessing about things that don’t matter.
Not one thing is changing as of today. I will continue to have the active, happy life that I love; that’s not ending. I’m not suddenly going to need a Life Alert necklace. Tomorrow I won’t feel the need to eat dinner at 4:00. I’m not even moving up to the next higher age bracket on surveys: I’ll be right in the middle of the same 45-54 group I’ve been a part of for a few years now.
I keep telling myself this is just a transition and the internal drama is ridiculous.
I keep telling myself this is just a phase and probably by tomorrow I’ll forget about these feelings and just move on with my day-to-day activities.
I keep telling myself that age is just a number, and I should be counting my friends rather than my age and that fifty is the new thirty: it’s the same advice I have given to others many times over. It’s easy advice to give and not as easy to follow myself…but I’m going to try. Truly, I am. Looking at the bright side of things is something I’m known for and there’s no reason to stop now.
I am loved and love others just as much as I did yesterday, and that’s what’s important. I have an incredible husband, two amazing sons, a supportive family and the most fantastic group of friends. I have a great life that includes lots of travel. I’m very happy with my accomplishments thus far. I am able to be a freelance writer. I am able to exercise daily and I have excellent overall health. I am thankful for all of these blessings, all the time. So, these feelings of dread over this particular birthday? They’re, at the most, a temporary inconvenience. Everything is going to be just fine.
So let’s go, fifty. Show me what you’ve got.