Come With Me And Escape

Do you ever hear a song that was released years and years ago on the radio, and even though you’ve been singing along with it all that time you—at some point—started truly paying attention to the lyrics and, among other things, marvel at how times have changed?

No?

Just me?

Okay. Anyway.

Since I happen to have spent time on some pretty fabulous beaches last weekend and my brain continues to be obsessed with paradise as I get readjusted to real life (and Chicago winter weather UGH), I thought it would be a great time to give you an idea of what goes through my head every single time I hear one of my very favorite songs from the 1970s—1979, to be exact—“Escape (The Pina Colada Song)”, by Rupert Holmes. I should clarify: when I say that I’m going to give you “an idea of what goes through my head every single time I hear” the song, what I mean is I’m going to tell you “exactly what goes through my head every single time I hear” the song.

Escape (The Pina Colada Song) by Rupert Holmes

I was tired of my lady, we’d been together too long.
Like a worn-out recording, of a favorite song.

Wow, together too long? What ever happened to “til death do us part”?
Or working on a relationship? Huh.

So while she lay there sleeping, I read the paper in bed.
And in the personals column, there was this letter I read:

Oh, the personals… I used to love reading those.
I also loved “Desperately Seeking Susan”, possibly the highest profile movie in which the personals played a major role.
Also Madonna’s best movie by far. In MY opinion, anyway.

“If you like Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain.
If you’re not into yoga, if you have half-a-brain.
If you like making love at midnight, in the dunes of the cape.
I’m the lady you’ve looked for, write to me, and escape.”

So this chick doesn’t care if her new boyfriend is smart. “If you have half a brain.” Hmm. Interesting.

I didn’t think about my lady, I know that sounds kind of mean.
But me and my old lady, had fallen into the same old dull routine.

That does sound kind of mean, you jerk.
You only think of yourself.
Also, “old lady”? I hate that phrase. Stupid ’70s.

So I wrote to the paper, took out a personal ad.
And though I’m nobody’s poet, I thought it wasn’t half-bad.

He wouldn’t have to write to the paper anymore. That’s what the internet is for.

“Yes, I like Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain.
I’m not much into health food, I am into champagne.
I’ve got to meet you by tomorrow noon, and cut through all this red tape.
At a bar called O’Malley’s, where we’ll plan our escape.”

He didn’t mention his brain.
Also, red tape for sure. U.S. Postal Service? Come on.

So I waited with high hopes, then she walked in the place.
I knew her smile in an instant, I knew the curve of her face.

Oopsie.

It was my own lovely lady, and she said, “Oh, it’s you.”
And we laughed for a moment, and I said, “I never knew”..

“Oh, it’s you.” Whaaaat?
There could not be a less emotional greeting in this circumstance, period.
And then they laughed. “HA HA ADULTERY!” Geez. NOT FUNNY.
So they’re both pretty okay with the idea that they are both cheaters. Ugh.

“That you liked Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain.
And the feel of the ocean, and the taste of champagne.
If you like making love at midnight, in the dunes of the cape.
You’re the love that I’ve looked for, come with me, and escape.”

If they had worked on the relationship (and perhaps attended some couples therapy) they would have known that they both enjoy all that stuff.

“If you like Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain.
If you’re not into yoga, if you have half-a-brain.
If you like making love at midnight, in the dunes of the cape.
You’re the love that I’ve looked for, come with me, and escape.”

Gah. So annoying.
Also, I adore this song so much.