Unfortunately, all of the answers can’t be found on Google.
I mean, LOTS of them can…but often there are questions or problems that can’t be resolved by typing in a query.
Here’s what I do when I have a dilemma: I call someone to talk it out.
Now, you might think that when I say “talk it out”, I mean that I’m calling that person to have a two-person exchange about my issue and then hang up feeling triumphant because we have figured it out together. Good job. That’s what I thought I was doing too, for a while. Not so. I mean, that’s my INTENTION, but that’s not exactly how it all plays out.
You know what they say about how, if you want someone to talk, you just leave a little bit of silence in the conversation from your end and then the person with whom you’re speaking will get uncomfortable and start blathering?
This is nothing like that. Except the blathering.
Confession time.
First of all, I didn’t even really realize that I was doing what I’m about to tell you until Momo, one of my closest friends who ONLY speaks the honest truth, put a pin in my balloon and told me, and now I’m self-conscious about it. That said, there are way worse faults I think? Yes, there are. There are definitely worse faults to have, so I don’t feel as bad as I did a minute ago. Shew!
See? I just did it.
What I do is, I make the call and explain my dilemma, and then…I solve it. Usually by myself, apparently. When I called Momo a couple of weeks ago with the problem-du-jour, I started talking about it without even giving her a chance to insert some silence so I could get uncomfortable (like THAT would ever happen with a close friend!) and when I stopped to get validation by saying, “Don’t you think?”, she replied “Well maybe; I’m just waiting for you to finish talking it out like you always do.”
And then we both laughed, only I think it was just me, laughing alone.
Thank God for good friends who love me anyway, in spite of things like this.
The good news is, I’m an excellent listener and when my friends call me with their own issues, I actually do know when to shut up and hear them out until they’re ready for me to pipe in. I mean, what kind of friend would I be if I didn’t take my turn to listen? Not a very good one in my opinion. Don’t you agree? Of course you do. That’s what I thought.
There I go again.
12 Comments
Liz
What?!? I’m sorry, I was skimming again.
Melisa Wells
OH NO YOU DIDN’T.
It’s okay, I still love you.
casey
I adore you.
Melisa Wells
I adore you more!!! xoxo
Momo
In spite of things like this? BECAUSE of things like this! You work out your own problems and ours, so we don’t have to do much work!
Melisa Wells
Ohhhhhhh.
Okay.
Well.
Shew.
Lauren Hale
I do the SAME thing. I oughta just talk to myself but you know what they say about that….
Kari
I think you should leave the phone up like a museum.
Relics from the past….you could charge admission!
Laurel Regan
I often do that with my husband. He just sits there, patiently listening while I blather on and eventually come to a conclusion… and when I finally pause to take a breath, queries, “Do you need me for this conversation?” Sometimes I think you just need a sounding board. 🙂
Samantha
LOVE this and love having friends who just get it! LOVE YOU! xoxoxo
Jen
ME TOO. I get this. I’m with Lauren. i need to talk to someone so I do not talk just to myself.
Dad
As I read your comment re: ‘ What I do is, I make the call and explain my dilemma, and then…I solve it, Usually by myself, apparently.’, I smiled after reading that. When I managed others during my hotel management career, everytime one of my department heads and/or hourly employees came to me saying that they were having a problem with something, I always strived to be a coach rather than taking their problem and making it mine. It was always important to me to take time to listen to what they had to say and really kept my mouth shut until they stopped talking. Once they finished describing their problem and asking for my help in coming up with a solution, I thanked them for coming to see me, then I showed them that I truly understood what it was and asked them, what I felt to be a very important question. I always asked them to give me one solution to their problem and once they did, I asked how they came up up with it and why that particular solution. After I received the answer to that question, we discussed it and in most cases, their solution was spot on and I made sure I told them that! I found out by doing that, they’d always felt better about themselves because they took care of their problem and continued to grow in their jobs. It was a great way to develop them and have them build their self confidence and continue to grow professionally and personally. I was always proud of them for doing that and never hesitated to tell them how happy I was. Once they went through that with me, they came to me less and less and they became great department heads and hourly employees which led to them having a better chance for promotions and salary increases.
The other benefit of that system led to increased guest satisfaction becasue our guests didn’t have to wait to see me for a resolution of the problem and it was quickly resolved while the staff member’s self confidence increased and they felt more comfortable when dealing with our guests. Everyone won!
The point I’m making is that, you do that by yourself and that makes me so proud of you kiddo! You’ve always been an excellent listener and great at identifying and self solving the problems you have to address. You are definately a true winner Melisa and have been for a very long time! 🙂
Love you,
Dad