canvas e1511913701328 1

Inbox Breakups and the One I Just Won’t Let Go

My inbox has been out of control lately. I’m not currently employed so it’s not work emails causing a problem: it’s newsletters and retail emails along with credit card notification emails.

The credit card notifications are a necessary evil, I have found. Jim and I have had our credit card numbers compromised four times in the last couple of years and it finally occurred to me that, in addition to keeping an eye on our accounts, I could take advantage of the handy notifications that our card company offers. Those notifications have purpose.

The newsletters and retail emails are a different story. I can’t believe how many lists I’m on, and I’m certain that I didn’t sign up for every single one of them. This time of year is great for unsubscribing from things I don’t find useful anymore (or haven’t ever!), so that’s what I spent some time doing this afternoon.

It’s interesting what happens when you click on an “unsubscribe” link. Companies can be just like people in their varying needs for closure in a breakup:

  • Would you please take a moment (in paragraph form) to tell us why you’re unsubscribing? No, I won’t. It’s not you; it’s me. We’ve wasted enough time here.
  • Which of the following reasons describe why you no longer wish to receive our emails? I’m just not interested anymore, that’s all. It’s simple! I’m over you!
  • Instead of completely unsubscribing, you can choose to receive fewer emails from us. You know, in case we’re being stalkerish. Maybe hearing from us only three times a year would be more acceptable? No. I don’t think so. It would just be a reminder of our past.
  • Okay, you’re unsubscribed. Wait, what? Wow, that was abrupt. You don’t even want to fight for me?
  • Thank you for adjusting your preferences. It may take up to ten days to complete your request to unsubscribe, and you will still get a final email telling you that you unsubscribed, even though we’re telling you right here and now that you are unsubscribed. Wait, what?

I haven’t parted ways with everybody. For one thing, that would take me much longer than an afternoon: more like a week. Also, I do enjoy certain newsletters and I do enjoy hearing from retail shops I frequent. Frequency is the key and main determiner of whether or not I feel the need to hear from them.

There is one store I have only patronized once ever in my life, for a very special gift. I have no plans to do so again anytime soon, but I can’t bring myself to break up just yet. It’s Tiffany & Co. That place is so magical, so decadent…and so expensive: in person, in catalog, and in email. (I mean, when you sort the website offerings by price the choices are “Gifts $250 and under”, “Gifts $500 and under”, and “Price is No Object”. Really!) But it’s eye candy that I’m not ready to break up with, so it stays. I mean, a girl can dream, right?



Now where was I? Oh yeah. Emails. I guess I should close out my Tiffany & Co. tab and get back to the ole’ inbox. I GUESS.