Dinner With A Five Year Old

I took Bean to dinner at Red Robin last night, and although I had an extremely awesome list of interview questions for her to answer while we ate, the freestyle conversation was, as you might expect, way better.

First of all, I have to tell you that Bean brought a weighted clip to Red Robin, so that when she got balloons from the hostess they wouldn’t make their way up to the ceiling, out of our reach. Is that preparation, or what???

We asked for her balloons on the way to the table (she wanted one for herself and one for her baby brother), promptly ordered our hamburgers and fries, and then the varied conversation began.

Bean, on pets:

“Baby dogs are called pups, Melisa. I am not going to get One. Single. Dog. because I have three cats and the cats won’t get along with a dog.”

“That’s right,” I said. “And anyway, dogs poop in the backyard. Do you know whose job it is to clean up the dog poop?”


“It would be Bean’s job to clean up the dog poop, because the kids in the family always clean up the dog poop.”

“No way! I won’t do it; that’s DADDY’S job. Girls don’t like poop.”

“What??? Are you telling me that boys like poop?”

“Um, YES.”

Bean, on driving:

I asked her how old she needs to be before she will be able to drive.

“Oh, I’m not driving.”

“Even when you’re big?”

“Right. I don’t wanna drive. My Daddy and Mommy are going to just drive me.”

“When you’re a GROWN-UP??”

“Yes. When Daddy and Mommy are a Grandpa and Grandma, they will still drive me.”

“Don’t you think they’re going to have other things to do by then? And what about your husband, anyway?”

“No, they are going to drive me AND my husband.”

Bean on motherhood:

(After asking me a question about something having to do with my kids) “How do you know that?”

“Because I’m a mom.”

“Do you know EVERYTHING, Melisa?”


“Yeah, well, my mom does.”

About halfway through our dinner, Rick Astley (you know the song) came on in the restaurant. Bean looked at me, put her burger down, and started moving her head to the beat. I decided it was a good time for a dance break, so I put my burger down too and we boogied in our chairs until the song was over, when we put the serious faces back on and resumed eating.

Bean, on the endless joy of balloons:

“Melisa! You should take two balloons home for your boys!”

“I don’t think so,” I said.

“Why not?”

“First of all, the helium in them won’t last until I get home. Also, they’re big now, and don’t really enjoy balloons like they did when they were your age.”

“Yeah, well when I’m a kid AND a mom, I’m still gonna like balloons.”

Bean, on her career aspirations:

“What do you think you’re going to do for a job when you grow up, Bean?”

(after thinking for a minute) “I am going to make sure my Daddy and Mommy do the right things.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m going to make sure they do the right things, and if they don’t, I’m gonna put them in time out. That’s what they do to ME.”

Before I knew it, we were finished eating and I located a few quarters in my purse so Bean could play some games. After watching her play, I’m thinking that it’s probably a good idea for her mom and dad to drive her around indefinitely.


©2010 Suburban Scrawl


  • Tom

    I absolutely love five-year-olds for their viewpoints on life. Bean is no exception: she knows exactly what's going on and exactly how things are supposed to be.

    My favorite line: "When I'm a kid AND a mom…"

    Yeah, you'll probably hit that right on the mark, little Bean! Don't ever forget!

  • Katie

    OMG, she is adorable.
    And, FYI, I had the same point of view about driving. I made my mom drive me around until I was like, 18. Then she got fed up and forced me to go get my license.

    Now I love driving 😀

  • Heather

    HA HA HA. What a hoot! She sounds like so much fun to be around! According to twitter, it sounds like you are enjoying yourself! 🙂

  • Astaryth

    OMG! How adorable is she! I love kids that age… Kids are like kittens and puppies, you wish they would stay little and cute, but they grow up LOL!

  • PJ Mullen

    Wow, I'm still amazed that she brought a weighted clip to manage her balloons while you were at Red Robin. Also, I'm now hungry.

  • Kat

    Hilarious….I like the driving Ms. Daisy part. In fact let me call my parents and see if they can give me a ride home…. too funny.

  • Sue

    That was so funny! I hope you didn't let her drive home! I love that she is going to put her mom and dad in timeout when she gets older!

  • Jack

    She sounds like my five year old. The comment about the dog is exactly what mine would have come up with. Such an easy way to poke her big brother.

  • NYC Girl

    She is just too cute!

    …and she is right on that last one! I go around now telling my parents what to eat and what not to eat. I get so mad when they don't listen and eat healthy! lol

  • Michelle

    Oh that is hilarious. I want Bean as a dinner companion. And umm so with her on the dog thing. That's the ONLY reason we don't have one. Or two. Icky!

    So was the second balloon truly for her baby brother or just her way of gettig two balloons? 😉

  • Scott

    The second balloon was for her baby brother. She is very good about sharing and making sure everyone gets a fair share. 🙂