Lazy (River) Is Relative.

My family just returned from a night away at Keylime Cove, a fantastic water park resort in Gurnee, Illinois.

Like all good water parks, Keylime Cove has a lazy river. For those of you who don’t know what a lazy river is, you’re totally missing out. A lazy river is basically a shallow pool (only about three feet deep) that winds through a water park much like the river it’s named for. There are underwater jets that are pointed strategically so that the water flows in one direction. The lazy part comes in when you sit in an inner tube and…well, you just get carried away on your inner tube because of the jets, enjoying the gentle sway of your tube, feeling carefree and relaxed as you make your way around. That’s it: you don’t do anything else.

Unless you’re me.

Shortly after our first trip around the lazy river, I posted a Facebook status:

type a copy

Yes, it’s hilarious. (I even laughed, and it was my own status.) Unfortunately, it was also one hundred percent true.

I enjoyed that lazy river, but it definitely took me a while to get the “lazy” part. It didn’t last long, though.

Today we spent the morning and early afternoon in the water park again, and although I knew that I wasn’t going to be able to do my Jillian Michaels’ “30 Day Shred” DVD for the thirteenth consecutive day so far because we were at a resort, I decided on my fifth trip up the sixty-nine steps (Yes, I counted. So?) to the water slide entrance that since I was already getting a cardio and leg workout, I should try to fit in some abs while in the water.

That’s where the wave pool came in. I put the inner tube over my head so my legs were hanging free, and I did waist twists, reverse curls, and leg lifts, using the momentum created by the waves as resistance. For a total time of about ninety minutes. Oh, and I was having great fun with my family at the same time, by the way. I win at multitasking.

I’m pretty sure I actually said to Jim, “Might as well use my time wisely!”

I can’t decide if I should be disgusted with myself for my apparent lack of understanding anymore of what “truly relaxed” means, or if I should be excited that my abs have just a bit of soreness this evening.

Also? I’m too lazy to come up with a good ending for this post, so…THE END.

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