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How To Spend an Epic Twelve Hours*

*If you’re me, that is.

2:45pm Tuesday: Settle into the passenger seat while Jim takes the wheel for the drive from Knoxville, Tennessee to Lexington, Kentucky, where the Foo Fighters are playing. Plan to make the trip with NO STOPS WHATSOEVER because the length of this journey is really nothing compared to so many other road trips of late. Open sunroof and windows. Jam out to the Foo Fighters.

4:10pm Tuesday: Declare that you really don’t think you’ll make it without stopping at a restroom, so wouldn’t it be so efficient to combine a pit stop with a fill-up as well, so we don’t have to get gas on the way home? Yes, it would. Efficiency is a great excuse. Make the stop.

5:20pm Tuesday: Stop for dinner at a Ted’s Montana Grill that is located two exits south of the final destination. Pat yourself on the back for predetermining this restaurant after an extensive amount (okay, ten minutes) of research, with the intent of not having to wait for a table and fight crowds. Think to yourself, “I’m so smart sometimes!” Smile and answer “What makes you think so?” when your server looks at both of you in your matching Foo Fighters t-shirts and asks if you’re attending tonight’s concert.

5:40pm Tuesday: Mentally high-five yourself again for thinking of this dinner stop, as the bison burgers have already been delivered to the table. Declare out loud what a great idea you had. Wonder, like you do whenever you dine there, why Ted’s puts a bowl of deliciously heavenly pickle chips on the table to snack on but doesn’t use those same exact pickles on the burgers. It’s one of the mysteries of life.

6:00pm Tuesday: Pay bill, get back on the road for the twenty minute drive to Rupp Arena. Get pumped when you see the sign. Wonder what is wrong with the people of Lexington because this show is not completely sold out.

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6:30pm Tuesday: Take a picture of the address of the not-so-close parking garage you found as well as the floor you’re on so you can find your car later; walk ten minutes to the arena.

6:45pm Tuesday: Make your way through security, stand in line to get t-shirts, use restroom, find alcoholic beverages, THEN find seats.

7:15pm Tuesday: Thoroughly enjoy The Struts, who also opened for the Foo Fighters when you saw them in Knoxville last fall. Continue to be amazed at how good they are; the lead singer really does have moves like Jagger. Remind yourself to add their stuff to your Spotify playlist.

The Struts May 2018

8:00pm Tuesday: Go use the restroom AGAIN and wish you still had the bladder of your youth. Take a selfie because you have to when you attend a concert; it’s the law. Talk to the couple next to you in the stands to see if they have seen the Foo Fighters before. (They haven’t.) Excitedly tell them this will be one of the best concerts they’ve ever seen, if not THE best.

Melisa and Jim at Foo Fighters 1

8:32pm Tuesday: As Dave and company take the stage, the crowd goes wild. Lose yourself in the excitement of it all and say a silent prayer you won’t have to leave your seat to go to the restroom again. (Spoiler alert: you will.) Contemplate counting how many times Dave Grohl says “Motherf—er” and then remember that this is Dave Grohl, motherf—er! Counting would be a lost cause. Laugh at the idea of wanting to give yourself a job during this concert. Scream your head off with everyone else even though you have a cold and came in with half a voice. Dance because Dave wants you to.

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9:45pm Tuesday: Continue to be blown away by the energy on stage and in the audience. Keep looking for the goofy grin Dave puts on when Taylor is doing a drum solo and laugh when he declares that Taylor is the only man he’s ever loved. Hashtag bromance. Keep screaming and dancing and singing along.

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11:00pm Tuesday: Be a little sad when you realize “Best of You” is their last song in the set but get excited again remembering that their encores are super long and the concert isn’t nearly over yet.

Foo Fighters May 2018

11:35pm Tuesday: Show is over. Be super sad about that but quickly become super happy realizing you get to go outside again because it was freaking hot in the stands, motherf–er. Be sad again when you remember you didn’t book a hotel room this time. Follow the crowds outside to the fresh air, silently cursing the ones who are taking their sweet time, those motherf—ers. Feel major hostility towards them, figuring that THEY probably booked a hotel room.

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12:05am Wednesday: Finally arrive back at the car. Settle into the driver’s seat so Jim can nap since he has to work in the morning, err later, and pull up the Foo Fighters playlist. Open sunroof and windows. Navigate out of Lexington after making two wrong turns. Curse the city of Lexington for poor road planning. Drive the two hours and forty minutes home.

2:45am Wednesday: Arrive home exactly twelve hours after you left it. Brush your teeth as quickly as you can. Fall into bed, hoping there will be another Foo Fighters tour in 2019.