Breaking The Chain

(A note I posted at work yesterday, after finding a 20-clip chain:)

To Whoever Has Made This Humongous Paper Clip Chain:

You must not do this anymore, for this is one of my biggest pet peeves. I absolutely cannot stand to reach into the tin for a paper clip and bring 18 others along with the one that I grab. Please disassemble this paper clip chain immediately and find something useful to do, as you obviously aren’t using your work time wisely. Thank you.

If I find another paper clip chain in this tin, the person responsible will:

1. Have her eyes poked out with it
2. Have her head flushed down the toilet
3. Have her car scratched with the paper clips (okay, not really that one: that’s just mean)
4. Be forced to run down B. Road, NAKED, with a salon sign in their hands-—you know, to bring in new business
5. Be subjected to other to-be-determined consequences.

Thank you for your time and attention.

Love always and forever,



  • Taj

    Whoa…have I been missing this side of Melisa? ‘Cause this is kind of hot! 😉

    I love that it was a paper clip chain that sparked that sign. Reading this totally made my procrastinating worth it.

  • Kat

    After having regained my composure now (this post made me giggle so long that the hubby asked me if I wanted to sit in a straight jacket) I am finally ready to reply. We’re freaking so much alike. I hate, hate, hate paperclip chains.

    Seriously in our Weight Watchers meeting they handed out a big paperclip at the start and then each time you lose a pound you get another little paper clip. You’re supposed to build a long chain to show your progress but I can’t bring myself to do it. It makes me so mad that clinging together of clips when you need them in a hurry.

  • Melisa

    Taj: Ha! First of all, I am totally procrastinating also, as I am on the internet right now. Second, I only like to give little peeks at my “dark side”, because I was “blessed” with the gift of hiding that for most people, most of the time. But I’m glad you enjoyed. LOL

    Kat: OMG, I would have to tell the Weight Watchers meeting leader where to put her paperclip chain. I would probably then find another meeting time, with a different leader. LOL

    Melissa: Anytime! I LOVE writing notes and letters like this. 🙂 (hint: future book) (but not snarky like this one) (hee hee)

  • Don Mills Diva

    For some reason this absolutely cracked me up – it reminds me of an Office episode or something.

  • Mags

    And…what was the reaction? Did the chain leader come forward?

    You know what I hate? Rubberband balls.

  • Dea

    LOL!!!! The kicker is that the time-wasting person LEFT the chain intact…..if you’re wasting time at work, you shouldn’t make it obvious….

  • Michelle

    Ohhhh, not only did you have to deal with a paper clip chain — I’m with you on those — but you have to share your paper clips? I don’t share so well. I like mine the way I put them and I don’t want anyone messing with them.

    And the Weight Watchers? Seriously? Maybe that’s why I can’t bring myself to do WW. Subconsciously, I knew….

  • nukedad

    Damn, you’re tough! But what if that poor person got stuck in the supply room and the only way out was to fashion a chain of paper clips to pull themselves to safety? I was at the mall once and the escalator broke down. I was stuck on that thing for like an hour and a half before they finally fixed it. I could have used that paper clip chain then.

  • Melisa

    Mags: I posted it before I left. Chances are I won’t find out who did it, but the salon only employs about 12 people, so if I tried hard I could really interrogate everyone. I’m sure it will either be disassembled when I get there on Thursday, or there will be a new chain, containing the entire tin full of paper clips, just to see how I’ll react…’cause that’s how those girls roll. We’ll see. And rubberband balls? I have mixed feelings. I tend to like them for the most part…

    Michelle: LOL! You don’t enjoy sharing paper clips, huh? That’s funny: I love that! Maybe if this chain thing happens again I will take my own stash of clips and hide them.

    Nukedad: Hmm. You’re right. I should have been more sensitive to a possibly life-saving situation. And thanks for jumpstarting my brain this morning: I had to read about your escalator escapade two times before I got it. Bwahahahahaha!!!! I’m awake now!

  • Huckdoll


    My mom used to have a jar of paper clips right next to the phone in the kitchen and I’d make chains while on the phone and not even realize it. She would be furious, but it was such a bad place for them. It was either doodle or make chains while talking on the phone.

    I think I managed to talk her into getting me my own phone for my room soon after than 🙂