When It’s About the Destination & Not The Journey

Note: This post is part of Fatherhood Friday at Dad Blogs, where all the cool kids are hanging out. (Moms are welcome over there!) Welcome to my visitors from DB; thanks for stopping in!

Someone I know (Not ME, mind you. Seriously.) had a complaint about her husband a long time ago. She said that it drove her nuts that he folded the laundry “wrong” (I guess that’d be “wrongly”, wouldn’t it?) and she eventually stopped “letting him” fold the laundry.

Are you kidding me?

First of all, sometimes people (men AND women) who have overbearing partners/spouses learn that, by doing things differently, i.e. “not how he/she wants”, they’re taking a short cut to less work because they know that the overbearing one will not tolerate that and will eventually just do the job themselves.

Secondly and more importantly, hey, that laundry DID get folded, right? So shut up and go do some dishes or something, instead of ragging about HOW it got folded.

I am the first to admit that I’m a control freak in many ways.

No, no…don’t try to argue with me. It’s true. Really! I am!

HOWEVER, I am smart enough to control my Control Freak tendencies when it comes to two very important facts:

1. People are different. They do things differently. Does the job get done? That’s the important thing.

2. If the differences occur between partners/spouses, the most important thing there is the teamwork. Is it teamwork when you’re giving the silent treatment because she didn’t chop the onions the way you do or because he put your mixing bowl away in the wrong cabinet? No. Did the onions get chopped and the bowl put away? Yes. So shut up.

I have met so many people/couples who fight about the petty little things like this. What does it get them? Heartache. I say, choose your battles. If there’s one thing Jim and I are known for as a couple, it’s how well we work together to get the job done. (Actually, we are known for many other wonderful things as a couple if I do say so myself, but I’ll save some of those for other posts)

So, the next time your partner/spouse does something in a way that is different from how you would do it? Bite your tongue.

And then thank them for doing the job.

P.S. Visitors: if you missed this week’s blunking of Nukedad, click on my header and read the three posts after this one too, from Wednesday and up. You might get a good laugh! (If you don’t, then I apologize.)

33 Comments

  • Kat

    It is ALL about the teamwork. I couldn’t agree more and while we have different areas we excel in we still manage to help each other out. It may not always be perfect but it sure beats doing a job alone.

  • Liz@thisfullhouse

    Amen, sweetie! Though, my tongue is swollen to the point of incoherency, Garth [not his real name] and I will be married 19 years this summer and, with 2 teen girls, a tween boy and a 7 yo going on 40 in June, time has a way of changing the rules and laundry just isn’t that important, anymore. Of course, we’ll probably be hollering at each other for, you know, blinking so damn loud. Still. I can’t see myself hollering at anyone else, but him! Thanks for the reminder.

  • Rob

    I am sort of contolling when it comes to some things but I agree that as long as the job gets done who cares how it got done as long as no one was hurt in the process. LOL.

  • Jason

    If my wife’s in a generous mood she helps me not only fold, but also sort, the laundry. I hate doing it so appreciate any help. The rest of the cleaning however, just stay out of my way lol.

  • Daddy Files

    Right on. I HATE when my wife gets on my ass for doing chores “the wrong way.” At least I’m helping out and doing my part. But she’s a Type A control freak all the way, so I’ve learned to cope.

  • -Justin

    IMO, the only way to teach kids how to be decent human beings is by showing them through our actions. I think not flipping out over how the laundry is folded is a great way to start!

  • Andrew's Daddies

    Folding laundry should be consistent to have things fit correctly when stacking towels, or t-shirts…sweater..and such. My partner and I agree on this and follow the same folding techniques.
    But as long as the same goal is met, we just let each other be.

  • KWG

    I’m pretty anal about loading the dishwasher the “correct” way. We actually do a pretty good job of dividing and conquering the household work and rarely get petty, although it does happen, and we realize what snappy asses we are and kiss and make up. The good stuff.

  • Palymama

    I’ve passed along a “Splash Award” to you because, well, heck I enjoy your blog. And, you have supported me in the infant stages of MY blog. Check out the other blogs I listed, you might enjoy some of them. I look forward to seeing YOUR list.

  • Otter Thomas

    I had the worst time with this when my wife and I first met. I had been single and living alone for so long I was set in my ways like an old man. I am proud to say that I have made a huge amount of progress in that area. It is not worth it to argue over crap like that.

  • WeaselMomma

    Are you talking about me?
    My hubby rarely folds the laundry and this is a good thing. I love him and his talents but when you ball it up into a wrinkled mess and call it folded, it’s not helpful and have just doubled my workload.
    We all have our talents, folding is not his. I could have the entire pre-school over for a folding party and get the same results.
    I think he’s happy (and maybe even does this on purpose) to get out of folding duty.

  • New Dad Blog

    My wife is all about the process and not the result. It drives me crazy! With some coaching she is getting better though.

  • Mocha Dad

    My wife and I used to have this arguement all the time. Now we accept each others differences and our lives have been much more peaceful.

  • Michelle

    Ok now I’m really hoping I didn’t post about this because otherwise, I know you’re talking about me. Including the onions. And there IS a wrong way to chop onions when they’re too big and have to be rechopped because otherwise an entire quarter of an onion will be in your next bite of dinner.

    And the laundry? Hey, he has his rules on mowing the grass, so we compromise by each sticking to our own jobs… that way I don’t have to rehang clothes to ensure I have enough hangers.

    Bet you thought I wasn’t reading today… that or you’re just done with me after that last venting email. Oops.

  • ciara

    i absolutely HATE the way my husband folds the towels/laundry, but hey, he does the towels and he does his and his son’s laundry, so i’m thinking that i shouldn’t complain…and i don’t.

    i just think he needs to work on the teamwork part of doing other household stuff hehe

  • Karen MEG

    You are so right about this, because you know what happens when you complain too much… you end up with the job yourself, smarty pants.

    From your friendly neighbourhood recycler, dishwasher, laundry-folder-er, etc, etc… 😉

    Thanks for stopping by my bloghopping novel :).

    “pomtini”

  • melissa

    without co-parenting…
    you can’t drink and bloghop. sigh.
    btw…
    if i didn’t have a 5 y/o attached to my arm right now…i’d challenge you to a dual.
    xo

  • NYCity Mama

    I used to give a load about how my husband did this and did that…3 kids later I’m totally like “Whatever”, I don’t care, as long as it gets done. I’m too exhausted..and more grateful to not have to do it myself…Great post!

  • followthatdog

    I agree completely. I’ll keep my snarks to myself as long as he keeps bringing me wine. He’s golden.
    Happy bloghopping

  • badassdad05

    Fuckin’ A right, I say! I feel like I should go do some laundry, but I’m too busy bloghopping. Maybe tomorrow.

  • Our Crooked Tree

    I am a freak about the way the bed is made…so he just stopped making it. He showed me:)

    Bloghoppers!

  • Rachel

    Can I chime a HELL YEAH in on this one?

    It makes me want to tear my hear out at people who say: “he loaded the dishwasher all wrong, I had to go back in and do it” and then they wonder why their spouse doesn’t help or is grumpy!!! Hello inconsiderate!!!

    Hi. Nice to ‘meet’ you, too.
    Bloghoppin’

  • surprised mom

    Teamwork is absolutely essential between husband and wife. Due to circumstances beyond his control, The Mister is 24/7 with his job. When he does find time to load the diswasher, or do a load of laundry, or clean a room, I don’t care how he does it. It’s nice he took his limited spare time to help around the house. I have two teenage girls in perfect health, so they must take on their share. Mostly I ask my husband to back me up when assigning chores. This way there is no playing one parent off another, and it establishes a healthy atmosphere in the house. Good blog. I’m blog hopping, but I’m sure you know I’m a frequent visitor. Great blog.

  • Heather

    it’s nice to put a face with a name! HI!!!!!!

    secondly, umm, i personally, do laundry cause it drives me nuts how C folds. HOWEVER, he has helped out in other ways so it’s okay. he’ll put the loads in the dryer, in the washer, or vacuum. beggars can’t be choosy, and i need help. so i ask, and i receive.

    GOD I LOVE THAT MAN.

    ha ha ah

    Happy Bloghoppin’ 🙂

  • Agent Provocateur

    Missed ya on the BLoghop last night because, well, I slowed down at glass of wine #2.

    I loved this post, btw. 🙂

  • TheDevotedDad

    That is so true. This is my first time reading your post, and I’m not sure if this is typical, but great words of wisdom 🙂 My wife and I have accepted that we are both control freaks. We try to master as you put it “control my Control Freak tendencies”. It definitely brings about the idea that if you love to control things, you can always start with yourself. Great Post!
    -Jason

  • terri

    Good advice. Took me forever to learn to bite my tongue at times. Sometimes I even drew blood! But eventually, I figured it out!

  • Andie

    does this include when they just put EVERYTHING in the wrong place? LOL

    like, putting all of the silverware ON the counter instead of IN the drawer?

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